On Atonement
Reading and sermon preached by Reverend Carolyn Patierno
October 1, 2006

From On Apology by Aaron Lazare

One of the most profound human interactions is the offering and accepting of apologies. … The result of the apology process, ideally, is the reconciliation and restoration of broken relationships.
Apology is more than an acknowledgment of an offense together with an expression of remorse. It is an ongoing commitment by the offending party to change his or her behavior. It is a particular way of resolving conflicts other than by arguing over who is bigger and better. It is a powerful and constructive form of conflict resolution, embedded, in modified form, in religion and the judicial system. It is a method of social healing that has grown in importance as our way of living together on our planet undergoes radical change. It is a social act in which the person, group, or nation apologizing has historically been viewed as weak, but more than ever is now being regarded as strong. It is a behavior that requires of both parties attitudes of honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, and courage.

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“I am sorry.” Do you think that there are three more powerful words? With Yom Kippur upon us we take the opportunity to consider a particular kind of atonement, one that requires, as writer Aaron Lazar says, “attitudes of honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, and courage.”

At this time, Jewish men and women confront the places where they have fallen down. The times that they have failed to live up to their highest ideals. And they do so in community. We likewise take this opportunity to consider this ancient tradition and ritual because atonement is something that deserves consistent consideration. Especially now when our methods of communication are many, frequent, and fast.

Atonement is an interesting concept, especially in light of the public apologies we have witnessed of late. This morning I will consider the apologies offered by the owners of The Station nightclub in RI at their hearing this past Friday as well as the Pope’s apology for his remarks regarding Islam.

But first, what makes an authentic and helpful apology? What is the nature of atonement?

In his book, On Apology, Aaron Lazare names three requirements of a satisfying apology: the offender will appropriately acknowledge the offense, express genuine remorse, and offer appropriate reparations, including a commitment to make changes in the future. He describes atonement as, “a powerful and constructive form of conflict resolution … a method of social healing.” Although authentic apology may indeed take any number of forms, all of these forms somehow incorporate each of these vital steps.

Let’s consider the Pope’s recent gaff. I’m not going to spend time this morning examining his comments in detail or the nuances of the theological argument he was setting forth but rather, I’d like to focus on the Pope’s response in the aftermath. The quote that angered Muslims throughout the world was this one: ”Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.” The quote was not even the Pope’s but that of a 14th century Byzantine emperor. The irony, of course, is that the lecture was on faith and reason and the violence that followed was certainly unreasonable and devastating on many levels. So, of course there are a host of issues to unpack when considering this event as a whole. But again, for now, we’re focusing on the matter of atonement and apology. That said, what is true about someone in the Pope’s position – and let’s face it – the only one in the Pope’s position is the Pope – what is true is that there is little to no room for gaffs of any sort. E.J. Dionne, of The Washington Post said that as a cardinal, the current pope was free to make arcane theological arguments as he was not yet the public face of billions of Catholics. Dionne reasoned that, “religious dialogue will not progress very far if it starts off with a slap in the face.”

The quote Pope Benedict chose was indeed received as a slap in the face. It didn’t matter that these words were not his own - their affect was swift and tragic. Eventually, in what was identified as a “rare papal apology” the pope said that he was “deeply sorry” for offending “the sensibility of Muslims.”

Let’s consider this statement by the standards that Lazare lays out. Although he perhaps expressed remorse, the Pope did not seem to understand why what he said upset people so. There was also a lack of commitment to change this approach in the future. Authentic apology? Only partly and not one that promised significant healing of relationship or conflict resolution. There was not much there in the way of atonement.

Conversely, Lazare considers a trip to Jerusalem made by this Pope’s predecessor, Pope John Paul II. This Pope approached the Wailing Wall and placed in its crevices a piece of paper upon which was written part of the apology he had offered for the historic sins of anti-Semitism. His prayer read, “We are deeply saddened by the behavior of those who in the course of history have caused these children of yours to suffer.” This simple yet powerful gesture of atonement encompassed all of the qualities of an authentic apology. It was a powerful statement that may have paved the way for some manner of healing.

And then there are times that no manner of apology seems to offer a way to any manner of healing. The Station fire case is apparently one of those. We all remember this tragedy that took place in the winter of 2003. One hundred people dead – 200 others seriously hurt – and countless more devastated and grieving. The fire was caused by pyrotechnics gone terribly wrong and igniting highly flammable acoustic foam. A sad and terrible story. At the hearing this past Friday, victims’ relatives heard the nightclub owners apologize. In their statements they said, “There are many days that I wish I didn’t make it out of that building because if I didn’t maybe some of these families would feel better. … We will do everything we can so that every question can be answered – so that all the facts, not just some of them, come out. If I had known now what that foam was, we definitely would have done things differently. We would have never, ever put our patrons, our employees, our families and our friends at risk.”

Again, all the qualities of an authentic apology were in place – these men acknowledged wrongdoing and showed remorse but there’s nothing to be done. That may perhaps be a sad fact of personal atonement. Sometimes, we are not forgiven by those we have wronged. The rabbi in the story for all ages said, “Always be gentle as the reed, never unyielding as the cedar.” In the matter of the beggar and the rabbi, forgiveness relieved the beggar as much as the one who had hurt him. We are reminded of the quote from Anne Lamont, one I’m so fond of remembering: “NOT forgiving is like eating rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.” How can it help to be unbending?

And yet, how can we know the pain these RI families feel?

I observed a dramatic example for atonement and forgiveness this past Wednesday evening. Two women spoke at Connecticut College, one Israeli the other Palestinian, both having suffered the loss of family members at the hands of opposing and violent forces. Talk about forgiving. But a leader of the local Jewish community who was present pointed out that the central task of the Yom Kippur holiday is to atone that forgiveness is absolutely important but that it is not necessarily the task upon which Jews focus on Yom Kippur but rather to reflect on our own mistakes and failures and to do so in community.

In a moment we will enter into a ritual of atonement together. It is a responsive reading that we speak together every year. In this reading the transgressions that are named are those that harm our sense of community and contribute to, “the illusion of separateness.” On Yom Kippur we are reminded of the ways that our own transgressions affect the whole – the whole congregation, the whole family, the whole family of friends, the whole workplace, the whole community. As religious people who value and uphold both the dignity of the individual AND the role of the individual in the wider community, we are also reminded of the opportunity to begin our relationships again in love. We release our illusions of separateness and in doing so sense the sweet relief that is a clean slate.

These are the days to look inward and see what work needs tending for although Unitarian Universalists honor the inherent worth and dignity of every person, every person is called to take account of our worthy and dignified lives with “attitudes of honesty, generosity, humility, commitment, and courage.”

Amen. Shalom.

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